My Baby Isn't a Baby Anymore

Today our youngest daughter, the one who graced us with her presence five weeks early because she needed to tell the world she had arrived, celebrated her 5th birthday. And let me tell you // I've been feeling all the "feels" you feel when you have a child turning a year older. 

You feel nostalgic reminiscing about their birth story and those first few weeks at home. 
You feel proud of the little person they are becoming. 
And when they're turning 5 - you get to witness their excitement at being able to officially display their age by flashing a "high-five" with one full hand of tiny fingers! 

But this week, as we headed into today, I also felt something different - something I did not feel when our older two kiddos turned five.   

I couldn't put my finger on it until this morning. Why all these feels? And why so many?

Why? Because this is our "baby" and well... she is not our baby anymore. 

Our baby has stepped over the threshold of toddler into the land of "little girl". And this birthday is probably the last birthday where Disney Jr. characters where involved and where mommy still had a say in what outfit she should wear (she did look pretty darn adorable).

It may sound crazy to some, but to those of you nodding your head as your read this - you get it! You see your little ones growing up before your eyes and you realize there is nothing you can do to SLOW. IT. DOWN. And wow, it can feel scary!

One would think that it would get easier after the first or second child but, I believe it only gets harder. I can remember writing a post when our daughter was only about 10 weeks old, rediscovering just how beautiful it was to hold an infant in my arms again. And with the birth of each child I was amazed at how my love could multiply. It was, and still is, fascinating.

I know tomorrow will come quickly and our baby will be one day closer to another birthday, to another candle blown out, and another year of memories gone by. So my prayer is that she may always know how beautiful, how strong, and how loved she is. 

Happy Birthday, my darling, Kennedy!

What My Kids See in My Hands - (and how I'm changing it)

After the kids are in bed and all the "need to's" are checked off for the day, I find solace in curling up under the warm covers and skimming through the never dull land of iPhone.

And while this routine of shutting off my brain is usually delightful, the other night something caught me off guard. I noticed myself quickly putting my phone down anytime I heard little patter of footsteps coming down the hall to tell me he couldn't sleep, or she heard noises in her room. 

Why was I hiding the fact that mommy was simply enjoying browsing Pinterest for tomorrow's outfit, or reviewing the highlights of my sisters big move to another state, or that I was possibly reading my daily devotional?

Why did this seemingly innocent act all of the sudden seem wrong?

Why?

Because the little eyes that stared up at me, looking for comfort, only saw mommy on her phone...again.

They didn't see what could have been in my hands.

The could have seen a bible, with notes and highlights from God's word. 

Instead, they saw the back of my phone.

They could have seen a novel with a beautifully illustrated cover.

Instead, they saw the back of my phone. 

They could have seen a cook book filled with recipes. 

Instead, they saw the back of my phone. 

They could have a seen a magazine, a handwritten letter, a devotional, a... you fill in the blank!

But they didn't. And I felt guilt. 

Guilt that I'm not instilling the importance of putting down our electronics, taking our children's hands in ours, and teaching through things that can be felt, seen, and heard. 

I'm not saying that Pinterest, Instagram, iPads, iPhones... you name it... are all bad. Believe you me, I love them as much as the next person. Heck - how else would I know how long to cook chicken breasts in the oven or how to curl my hair so it looks like beach waves and not curly temple?!

What I am saying is that we need to be aware of what we're teaching our children by our actions. 

These small blessings that we oh so carefully protect from "the real world" learn so much more by what they see and hear inside their own homes, then by what they often actually learn out in the real world. 

I want those hands to feel the books mommy is reading, to see how the bible can become something more than words on a page, and hear laughter from a video that is larger than the tiny screen they hold in their hand. 

I want my children to be an example to other children. I want them to have the tools to navigate this life because their mother and father gave them the tools. 

Tonight, I'll be putting down my phone and dusting off the soft, brown, leather-bound bible with sticky notes and highlighted pages. And when one of my wee bits come into the room because they can't sleep, they will see mommy proudly holding on to the printed pages that fill the book in my hands!